#sentence like that when listening to dev interviews

[yellow-yarrow]

I listened to the podcast that was linked here. quick summary cause i want to talk about it

as a fan of Elysium and NGE it was fun to hear Robert Kurvitz say that NGE is is first recommendation when asked what inspired disco elysium and what could give a similar experience to the viewer

he likes its reckless take on christianity, and its take on human souls

and how "colossal" it is

he imagines the world revolution to be like the Third impact in the End of evangelion ("forming a unified red ocean")

NGE and EoE inspired the apocalyptic pale side of the story and the larger setting

maybe this will help us understand the world of Elysium a tiny bit more? so that means the pale apocalypse isn't only referencing the bible but nge too. and the "reckless take on Christianity" is present with the St Miro apocalypse & the Perikarnassian churches. The comment about the world revolution makes me think of Nilsen saying "it was a loss of self [..] It ran through the world like happiness intoxication". I think the "God is in heaven and all is right in the world" is probably referencing nge too and not the original source of the quote

[sic-fayl]

Guild Member Next Door (kinda) translation - Part 5

Click here for the previous part - or click here for Part 1!

Disclaimer, as always: This is based on an MTL translation, I do not know Korean myself, I am trying more to stick with the impressions/vibes of a sentence instead of a strict word-for-word meaning - and most importantly, this is only for fun.

Now onto the story:

Title: It’s that guild again

Written by: QualityCakeTime [Hero]

(Screenshot_0003820.jpg)

Remember Poseidon? They’re looking for new members.

I hope no one stumbles into them without knowing what happened haha. This is my warning for all of you, at least.

(65 comments)

-I saw one of their guys in town and he was crazy fast… Shouldn’t that be a bug?

⤷Hey @Illusion Gameplay Are there any more speed bugs right now, other than that one with the new mount?

⤷If it was a legit bug, like what that one Staff did, it would’ve been discovered by others and removed by now. The devs patch up every cool exploit we find… Even the Staff got nerfed in the end.

⤷Maybe off topic, but… I heard you can even fly when you chain specific skills in some way?

⤷⤷Don’t most skills have movement attached anyway?

⤷Is there maybe a mount to be that fast all the time? Because a normal skill would have the usual 40sec cooldown, right?

-Why? Poseidon is a ranked guild, what did they do? You have to say what happened, if you want people to listen to you.

⤷Did you break both your hands? Go search the forums, don’t expect others to spoon-feed you everything. It’s literally right there.

⤷⤷Can you give a link pls? I found tons of posts, but they’re all just full of rumors…

-What a cool promo-post, imma try to get in~ Their conditions aren’t that high anyway, so why not lol, isn’t it easy af as long as you’re the right level? Time to join!

⤷When you inevitably come crying back, just remember we told you so.

⤷Their interviews feel more stressful than the ones at actual large companies.

⤷If there are job seekers or high school senions here, it’s a good guild to apply to for interview practice! The questions are so stupid that it really helps you practice thinking on your feet! I applied three times and got rejected all three - but did I ace the actual interview for my current job thanks to this;;

⤷⤷Madlad lmao you’re too much

⤷⤷No way. What are you even saying? lmaooooooo

⤷⤷⤷I mean lmao, it’s true tho lmaooo That was the first time I met a guild with a personality test in their interview haha

⤷⤷Ah, whatever, sure. What’s the harm anyway? Getting some free practice in? lmaoooo

-Poseidon is evil lol. They recruit you for the ranked season and then throw you out once it’s over, to keep only the buffs you earned them. They take all your effort for themselves… ㅠ Don’t be fooled into joining just because they got some top rankers. Those are og members and new ones are just temporary workhorses for them. If you really go in, they’ll probs just take advantage of you and throw you away like trash after, got it?

⤷Also there’s some kids who got talked into spamming paid boosts for extra guild points as soon as they joined. The regulars save on money by having only newbies boost.

⤷⤷Ugh that’s the worst people. They’re really like that… Thought it was just rumors

⤷⤷LOL But I heard those kids were also pretty sus.

⤷⤷⤷Hi Poseidon

⤷⤷⤷⤷F lmao

⤷⤷⤷Anonymous comment. Because Poseidon totally knows how to be subtle lmao.

-I’m too curious. What do they actually ask you in those interviews? Not that I want to join, I just really wanna know! I’m thinking about switching jobs so…

⤷Lmaoooo Tried and failed last month lol. Was asked about strengths and weaknesses. So, I told them I’m weak against heroes, but make up for it with strong+shiny equipment, so I’m really good against single-target DPS in PvP! But turns out they wanted strengths and weaknesses of my personality…; But when people ask you your strengths and weaknesses while in a game, isn’t it normal to assume what I did? ㅠㅠ And there’s no time to search up answers, because one of them is like a human stopwatch… Only those who can type 400 wpm or higher should try this.

⤷⤷Weirdos lmaooo

⤷⤷Wdym stopwatch?

⤷⤷⤷You only have a limited time to answer and they count you down the whole way;

⤷⤷⤷⤷That’s insane lmaoooo

⤷⤷They asked me about my thoughts on the 4th Industrial Revolution, but I had no clue what it was, so I didn’t know what to say;

⤷⤷⤷Weirdos lmaooooo

⤷⤷⤷Are we applying for a doctor’s thesis here? Lol why are they asking so much stuff?

⤷⤷⤷⤷Fuck, then I can’t even join once I get my degree, because it’s only a bachelor’s;

⤷⤷This. There’s one bastard who types stupid fast lol. And some kid who looked like Isis kept going 5 4 3 2 1 so I got kinda nervous and just left.

⤷They asked me if I prefer dogs or cats lol. I told them I don’t like either because they’re too much work and eat too much, so I prefer small and cute hamsters! They told me I should learn to love all animals equally and then kicked me from the party… Like, were they actually looking for new people or do they just want to mess with everyone?

(Next Part(s))

[felassan]

Gamers For Groceries 2 event

A Twitch stream event from a few days ago. It can currently be re-watched here (it was fun & interesting, so I do recommend to check it out direct). This post contains some notes on things of particular interest & relevant timestamps, in case this is useful to anyone (for example bc of accessibility reasons).

First up is the All About Animating panel, a series of mini-interviews with game devs (animators) asking what they do, how they got there, and advice for anyone interested in getting into the industry. Some or all of the devs that were interviewed are currently working on DA4. They talked a bit about their day-to-day work and a lot about the craft of game dev animation in general. This segment runs from timestamp ~38 mins 40 secs to 1:07:50. Some notes:

[sounded like DA4] Right now the creature team are working on different creatures in a way which involves going through a lot of mocap data

At BioWare they have a pretty big technical animation team, to support their animators, so each tech animator has a different specialty. Tech anim involves animation support, character art support, and rigging the characters so that the animators can pose them

[not sure if re: DA4 work specifically, another project or a general comment on the craft] One of the featured animators’ area of specialty at the moment is faces and hair (building the control structure for face animations). First they had to decide how the face rig and its control structure would work. This involves a lot of performance capture of live actors for things like cinematics and gameplay animation, therefore the rigs for bodies and faces have to be able to accurately capture the full range of expressions and emotions that the actor is portraying. Right now the stage that this dev is working on most is setting up the heads that they’re getting through the pipeline from character art e.g. making adjustments based on feedback from the cinematics team. “Polish - just trying to get realism”

Hair tech has come quite a long way in the last few years [in the industry]

[not sure if re: DA4 work specifically, another project or a general comment on the craft] Hair is very complex to get right. “In the past most games have used card-based hair, which is basically like sheets of polygons with a texture on it that looks like hair, through layers of transparency. But real hair is strand-based, digital strands, so we’re starting to look into that kind of tech - try to get more realistic, more beautiful hair, but there’s always a performance cost to hair. Layers of transparent things are always an expense, they need to balance like, it looks good and moves well, but it doesn’t make your computer or console chug. [...] I guess we’re in the prototype stage but we’ve almost got a set pipeline. It’s always fun to experiment”

In Mass Effect 2 or 3, Miranda’s hair was as expensive as a whole character (!)

[on balancing hair costs/performance, general] It depends on things like character importance and how many characters are on-screen at the time. When you’re in gameplay fighting a bunch of monsters you’re not going to be giving full beautiful hair to all the characters and the monsters, as it will cost too much. (Having a helmet on is a convenient way to get rid of hair.) But if it’s a cinematic scene, with 2 characters talking to each other in a dramatic context, there’s a better budget for nice hair allocated

Some of the hair in Anthem was quite expensive in cinematics. They kept getting bugs from QA saying (for example) that a character’s hair was tripling the performance cost in the scene, so it would go back to character art so they could take away some of the hair cards. “Tough balance, quality versus cost”

“I wish all the characters could have beautiful strand hair”

For p-cap, a lot of the time they don’t want to be too prescriptive in terms of the direction that they’re giving the actors, as the actors know what they’re doing and have a lot of experience, so they give them vague instructions that they then riff off of

[sounded like DA4] They recently did a mocap shoot

[sounded like DA4] There’s a bit more productivity happening now in the pandemic situation; now that the animators are not all going to the capture lab in Vancouver in person for shoots, if it’s not their turn to direct a shot they can instead be working on something else on their computers (multi-tasking). ((Lead DA4 Producer Scylla Costa recently gave a talk at a games festival on the challenges of DA production during the pandemic. In part of this talk he talked about various benefits and drawbacks to the remote-working situation. He also talked about and showed some behind-the-scenes stuff for p-cap and mocap. Notes, images and link here))

[sounded like DA4] Special mocap suits were sent out that they can use with a laptop to go anywhere and shoot motion capture. It’s not as high fidelity as what comes out of the capture lab, but it’s really good for prototyping stuff. Before the pandemic they did some of this (going to a park and shooting some running around)

[sounded like DA4] In one of the shoots they had some actors who were really well-trained in dancing. They were trying to get them to do some combat stuff. This was a bit challenging in the pandemic situation as there’s only so much they can demonstrate/portray as an example to the actors from a distance on camera. “It’s hard to describe what a ‘dodge to attack’ is through the camera to somebody who has no idea what combat looks like in video games”

[not sure if re: DA4 work specifically, another project or a general comment on the craft] The pandemic has really affected performance capture for the face side of things badly, as in order to record, the actor gets dots painted on their face in specific locations by a makeup artist. They can’t do that right now because of social distancing/restrictions, so they haven’t been recording faces at the moment

The more detailed a face, the more joints it has, the more the cost to performance is

---

There was also the Writers’ Block panel, featuring DA writers Mary Kirby, Sheryl Chee and Patrick Weekes, and DA editor Karin Weekes. The timestamps for this segment are ~2:37:50 - 3:26:20. Some notes:

PW has never been weirder than when they were writing Cole on DAI

PW thinks that they accidentally wrote part of “Timber” by Kesha into Solas at one point and they were like “Well, okay, I have to stop listening to Kesha”

For Sheryl, after a while Blackwall’s VA always nailed doing his lines. She loved the quality of his voice and so after a while would always hear his voice while she was writing. This really worked out

^ Mary had this with Merrill. As soon as they cast Eve Myles she listened to several hours of her in Torchwood, and then just wrote to the way that she spoke as much as possible

^ PW had this with GDL as Solas and FPJ as Bull. As soon as they heard FPJ’s delivery, they were like “Oh, okay, I have to write some lines differently, because Bull is smarter than I realized”. With GDL they were like “Okay, he’s going to put poetry into anything I say, in the best way possible”. In early drafts of Solas lines there were parts where they [PW] wondered “Is this too melodramatic? Is this too tragically-angstful?” and then they would hear GDL and be like “Oh! [It’s fine] Game on!”

For localization, German words are often quite long so they often have to make sure that everything fits on the GUI

They think scenes like the romance scenes sound prettier in the Italian versions

Behind the curtain in creating the in-world languages: PW: “There are some awesome websites that have every elven word, like ‘Here are the translations and verb tenses and conjugations’ [etc], [...] and usually Mary and I get very sad slightly looking at those pages going like ‘Does that mean that we have to stick to that?’ [...] The rule is, if I’ve looked at the Wiki and the words, and I go ‘Here’s the correct grammatical way to do it’, and if that turns out to be too long or too many disconnected syllables and it just looks bad or sounds bad, then we shorten it to something simpler, because the key is we want to give the flavor of a foreign language, but we don’t have the world-building budget and capacity to make something that is going to be dictionary-real [in a way that] someone could go through and translate all the background things written on the old temple walls”. Part of the reason for this is the consideration for VAs, who already have to act while bearing lots of things in mind, like the cues in the script for each line

Mary: “For building a language, the first things that I started with for qunlat, elven and dwarven, was what words do we need to use the most? Greetings, farewells, words for friend and enemy, basic things that will come up easily in conversation. After that it’s ‘How difficult is this for other writers to use?’ Can they just pick it off the Wiki? Do they need just one word? Do they need to write whole sentences, and how does that work? Qunlat has almost no grammar to it because asking anyone to learn how to use Qunari grammar and conjugate verbs in a pretend language is impossible, and then once you’ve done that a human being has to be able to read it, while not knowing what any of it means”

PW: “One thing that I was really impressed with with Mary in particular doing, Mary was one of the big lore people across the entire DA series; I can look at a word and go like, ‘That has two A’s in a row, that’s definitely a Qunari word. That word is kind of long and maybe has some apostrophes and has a couple of flowy vowel sounds, that’s probably elven’, I think that’s what’s important. You want players to be able to look at a word, players want to feel smart, [like] ‘Oh I don’t know what that means but I totally know that’s a word from the Qunari people!’”. Mary: “Every language has its own set of phonemes, the sounds that they make, and the sort of word structure and spelling so that it gives a flavor to that language. Hopefully that is always chosen to be pronounceable, because again, very important that the words can be said by human beings :D”

Sheryl: “One of the fun things to do is to make up swear words in the fake languages [...] Recently Brianne wanted a word, I don’t know if she managed to find one”

The origin of bosh’tet in ME: it’s just saying “bastard” and slurring it

PW: “I feel like there are times when past writers kind of leave traps for future writers, where past writers will go ‘Okay, I’m going to write this detailed phrase in a codex entry but don’t worry, it doesn’t matter if it can never be said aloud, because it’ll never have to be voiced!’ and then, next game, guess what guys! Look what you have to make someone [a VA] say! And you’re like [facepalm], c’mon!”

Karin: “Now, four games in, we have pages and pages of all these examples, and I wanna say this, well that’s how we said something before, well that’s ridiculous, I don’t wanna say that, but now we’ve said it and it’s out there, so it’s like, how do we, y’know, how do we evolve, and sometimes we just go ‘Screw it! Languages are living languages! We’ll just say it like this now!’”

PW's favorite is the sarcastic Mythal’enaste, “Because it’s the sarcastic Mythal's blessing that basically means you’re getting screwed over somehow. I love it because Mythal nasty! Whoever wrote that clearly never thought that someone would have to say this out loud”

Sheryl wrote Bull’s joke icicles line. She also wrote Isabela’s big boats line - Jennifer took it out but then DG was like “No it has to come back”

They have a pun test, they get a few of them and have to allot them wisely so as not to oversaturate on the puns. “Is this good/bad enough to be one of the times that we pull the trigger? We did have one of those recently, I obviously can’t talk about it, but it was pronounced Okay to go ahead”

The ‘baby-est’ writer is Brianne, who’s been there 8 years

It makes PW sad that the players never get to see the writers’ temp-text [placeholder text when portions are a WIP]. “People have the best temp-text". Mary: “The number of conversations that I’ve temped in like ‘WELL. I hope nothing BAD happens HERE’”

Q. If you could bring in anybody from outside of gamedev, who would you like to work with and do a writer’s session with? PW: “I will say romance novelist Nora Roberts, she is really smart and also she knows how to write inside a genre, and do wonders within it. Her structure is so good. If you pick up one of her books, you know here’s when this is gonna happen, here’s when they’re gonna meet, here’s when this first moment will happen. We’re all experienced and I feel pretty good about that but I really like all of the things she does that way, and also I am a sucker for romance so I would love to bring a romance novelist in and just have them look at our scenes and go ‘Okay here, no, they should pull the tie so that the article of clothing comes open, we need a sense of how warm the skin is here’ - something like that. I’d wanna see what they could do with that”

“Luke writes the best worst lines”

“I’m always impressed with Mary getting away with lines. There are lines that I look at like, wow, you buried that one. [...] The only players who get that line, I feel like they earned it if they went that far into it. [...] And then Varric or Merrill says a ridiculous line in a one-time throwaway”

Karin: “The group dynamic, you’ll see conversations or snippets of a lunch chat or a thing we’ve been joking about and you’ll see it get pulled in, and how all of you [the writers] are able to take a normal kind of thing - as normal as we get as a group anyway - and then turn it into a moment, and use it to further the plot or use it to further a character. It’s just the cleverest thing and it happens in so many different ways. [...] The little snippet of life, then how you crafted it into this very cool thing”

Quartermaster Threnn was written by PW in half a day. “When I was writing Threnn, ‘Okay, this is a good-hearted [person], I was doing a little bit of Steel Magnolias, southern, no-nonsense, but like, blue collar Steel Magnolias’. This is someone accustomed to the ways of the world so she’s going to call a spade a spade. If you come up to her and you’re an elf she doesn’t recognize you and says ‘Buckets are over there’ because she thinks you’re there to clean, [but] ‘Anyone calls you a knife-ear you come to me I’ll take care of it’. It’s problematic but she’s trying - the good-hearted person rooted for the wrong group on every occasion. She was a proud Loghain supporter, she gets really exited if he comes to Skyhold.  That was a fun character for me to write because I had a viewpoint in my mind. I remember someone was like ‘Threnn is really important to me’. And you have to honor that, cause you’re like ‘Cool, it means so much to me that this connected with some part of you’”

---

Also of interest was the Mass Affection panel, in which BioWare devs looked back in over a decade of history to remaster a classic. It featured devs who worked on MELE. The timestamps for this segment are ~3:36:09 - 4:24:37. Some notes:

When the pandemic hit the MELE team were in a relatively awkward spot. They were really entering into what they consider full production and were on-boarding a bunch of teams, as well as training and on-boarding third-party external partner specialized teams worldwide. When the pandemic hit, BioWare and EA were super on top of it. They were tracking it weeks beforehand, getting everyone their computers ready, and getting everything encrypted. When the middle of March 2020 hit they were home rightaway. EA were nothing but supportive throughout the entire thing. They got money every quarter for stuff. It functionally ‘hit’ at 4-6 different times for them as the pandemic occurred in different places throughout the world at different times depending on each country’s response plan (and their external partners were in different countries). “So it was one of those things where it was just like, every day we’d come in like can we still work with this company anymore? Do we need to find someone else? Do we need to pull people in off the other projects at BioWare to fill gaps here and there?”

There was a bug on Virmire at the part when you’re coming into the STG camp. If the Mako had its new boosters on and you came hurtling in really fast, it cut to the cutscene, but the Mako hit a jump and when Ash was like “What do we do now?” the Mako ended up literally flying around in the background sideways and then crashing into the camp

Another bug: when they were re-tuning the guns, the physics force on some of the guns with Hammerhead rounds was so high that when you were fighting some of the Thorian Creepers, you could ragdoll them so hard that you could basically embed them in the roof. They’d be moving so fast that they’d penetrate all the walls with their legs dangling out. It was so easy to do and you could do it to everybody. You could launch a geth halfway across an Uncharted World

Another bug: with Shepard’s casual appearance in ME3, if you didn’t have it set up perfectly correctly it would default to Grunt for some reason. You’d be walking around as Grunt, going on dates as Grunt, and your face would be all scrunched up because it was all mapped to human bones still, so it was just, like, Nightmare Fuel of Grunt

Another bug: in ME2 on Illium when trying to recruit Samara, the Asari enemies just would not stop screaming - regardless of whether they were hit or not, it was endless screaming. Later one of the devs got an audio file of the scream, endless and looped, and now one of the devs has it on their phone and uses it for their morning alarm tone

“Shepard would come up to characters and they’d just be screaming”

---

There was also the Programming Variables panel, talking about what hurdles game programmers face. Some [or all?] of the devs that were part of this panel are currently working on DA4. They talked a bit about their day-to-day work and about the craft of game dev programming in general. The timestamps for this segment are ~ 4:24:46 - 5:06:02.

[source]

[insights/notes from Gamers For Groceries 1]

[☕ found this post or blog interesting or useful? my ko-fi is here if you feel inclined. thank you 🙏]

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Cruel To Be Kind

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6   🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

Oh I can't take another heartache

Well I do my best to understand dear But you still mystify and I want to know why I pick myself up off the ground To have you knock me back down, again and again

click here to be on the update list

                                     "Are you sure you can't do anything?" I asked with a begging voice and puppy eyes.

I knew it probably wouldn't change anything but I was ready to try anything to get an other room. I had waited over an hour to talk to someone who was in charge and then had to wait an other half hour to get an answer. Apparently, I was on a waiting list and they couldn't tell me when they would be able to assign me a new room on the girls' side. It all depended on when there would be a spot available, meaning that a girl had to move out, and obviously, they couldn't tell me when it would happen.

"I'm very sorry." the woman replied, making me sigh.

I could read in her face that she felt sorry for me, but she probably thought it was making me uncomfortable to be in the boys' building. If I wanted to be honest, I didn't really care if I was with boys or girls, I just wanted to be far from Niall. The longer I stayed near him, the more I realized that I actually liked him more than I should. I couldn't even think of what a whole year would do to my feelings.

"Alright, well thank you anyway." I replied, sending her a sad smile and turning around to leave.

It was horrible to think I was still stuck in the same room and I was pissed at myself for even mentioning it to Niall. He probably expected me to leave the room very soon and I was scared he'd be pissed at me for staying.

I walked out of the building as an other idea popped in my head and quickly, I took my phone out of my pocket. I started checking if there were rooms to rent off of campus but still close and I got very excited when I found a few. Unfortunately, they were expensive and I put my phone back in my pocket with a sigh after added them to my bookmarks. Perhaps, I could get myself a job to pay for a room, at least until a room in the girls' building would be available. The thought of moving out over and over made me grimace but at the same time, I knew it would help me not fall in love with Niall, and I was also well-aware of how bad he wanted me out.

I stopped in front of my room and stared at the door for a few minutes. The truth was, I was tired to fight with Niall but I knew it was inevitable. I knew that one of us would say something to annoy the other on purpose. We were both quite good at this game, and I was not in the mood for it. I was also a bit scared that I'd catch him naked on top of a girl again and although I knew it would probably help me with my goal of hating him, I also knew it would hurt me and I was even less in the mood for that. Slowly, I brought my hand to the knob but I felt my heartbeats accelerate and pressed my lips together before putting my palm on the door gently. I took a step closer, turning my head and trying to listen to what was happening on the other side. It seemed to be quiet and I breathed in before quickly turning the knob and walking in.

Niall was not there and the room was quiet. I blinked a few times and closed the door slowly as I was getting a notification. As I grabbed my phone, I realized how sweaty my hands were and how stressed this whole thing was making me.

'Dev, where are you?'

'Can I crash in your room tonight?' I just typed and sent, ignoring his question.

I watched the three dots move for a few seconds before I sighed of relief as I got his answer.

'Of course'

--

As Louis had mentioned to me, I was lucky that his roommate had recently got a girlfriend and was often gone a few nights in a row because we weren't sure if he would just accept to share the room with me. I had been crashing for two night already in his room, making sure that Niall was out whenever I needed to get something in our room.

When I received a text message in the morning, I groaned, a bit mad that I kept the sound of my phone on. I started late on wednesday's and I could really use more sleep. It was true that I spent my free time with Louis in his room, but most of the time, we were busy with studying and school projects. I was starting to think I was getting a bit on his nerves but I had a job interview in a few days and hopefully, I would get it and be able to rent a room. I hadn't talked to Louis about it because I knew he would try to talk me out of it and somehow, I knew he would succeed.

'7pm at the library'

I sighed when I read Daxia's message and closed my eyes again before sending her a thumb up and putting my phone away again. I lied down on my back, my head on Louis' pillow and I heard him groan next to me. Poor Louis, I was invading his room and invading his bed. It really was time I would give him his space back and find a new place to live.

"Sorry If I woke you up." I whispered, my eyes fluttering open.

"No, it's cool." he said in a husky voice. "Is everything okay?"

"Yea, It's just that project..." I shook my head a bit and shrugged. "I'm dreading this."

"No, you're stressed to see Niall again. You've been avoiding him for two days and knowing you, you'd keep doing it for months." he pointed out before clearing his throat. "This can't be mentally healthy, you know that, right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Louis sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes before sending me an annoyed face. "Are you kiddin' me? Dev, trying to hate someone that you actually have feelings for is not a healthy way to deal with this."

"What's the right way? Letting him hurt me over and over again?" I frowned, sitting up slowly. "Anyway, it's just a few hours, I've got this."

Rolling his eyes, Louis got up and searched through his stuff for a towel. "Okay, do as you please." he let out, shrugging a shoulder, but I could read a bit of anger in his voice. "If it changes anything, he likes you too, and he's trying to fight it too. You two are oblivious. And obvious. Oh you know what? You're also both obnoxious!"

"Any other adjective that starts with an 'O'?" I asked a bit rudely, making him turn his head quickly in my direction.

"Yes! Obstinate! And... and... overbearing!" he continued a bit louder. "And obscene, but that's a different story."

My eyes got bigger and a smile drew itself on my lips, making him chuckle. I grabbed one of his pillow and threw it at him, making him laugh even more as he turned a shoulder to block it.

"Shut up!"

"Heyyy, be nice!" he joked, raising his nose up. "I'm letting you sleep in my room so you owe me!"

I knew he was joking but my amused smile turned into a fond one. "I know, thank you Louis. Thank you so much."

--

I walked to the library a few minutes late and immediately noticed Daxia, sitting at a table a bit further, her books spread on it as she scribbled something quickly. I walked up to her but it took her a few seconds to notice me and she just sent me a small smile as she gathered all her books.

"Good, you're finally here." she whispered, getting up. "Come on, I reserved us a room so we don't bother everyone and we can talk a bit louder."

I nodded and followed her for about half a minute but when I stepped foot in the room, my smile fell and my heart sank. Niall was already there, sitting at the table with Asher, and I had no idea that seeing him again would make my heart drop in my stomach. He looked up at me, the same damn lock of his hair falling on his forehead before he passed his hand in his hair, pushing it back. I held my breath when out eyes met until I realized Daxia took a seat next to Asher and I was the only left standing up. I cleared my throat and took the only seat left, which, of course, happened to be next to Niall.

After a bit more than two hours, we had managed to put both parts of the project together (the one Niall and I had worked on, and the one Asher and Daxia wrote), and we were working on a conclusion.

"Devon, you can not seriously tell me that Dali was the most important surrealist painter of all times!" Niall argued firmly with a small chuckle, shaking his head. "Without Breton, surrealism wouldn't even exist!"

"That is the most stupid thing I've heard today!" I let out, feeling slightly insulted.

"He's the founder of it all!" Niall continued, getting his back straight and frowning at me. "Argue with that!"

"He founded the movement!" I corrected him. "And being the first doesn't mean being the best!"

"This is ridiculous, you're delusional!"

"Now, that's an argument!" I replied with sarcasm. "And Dali was the only one who didn't need drugs to paint!"

"So he was insane even sober? Big deal!"

"SHUT. UP!"

Niall and I stopped immediately at Asher's voice but we kept looking at each other, and something in my stomach stirred. Despite the fact that I believed in what I was saying, I would normally have a calm conversation and probably even agree on some of the things he said. But it was Niall, and I had to do everything to hate him, right?

If I wanted to be honest, though, I had enjoyed our discussion and it would have been near perfection if we hadn't almost yelled at each other.

"You know what? I'll just finish the last few sentences by myself." Daxia proposed with a sigh before getting up. "I think we're all a bit tired."

Asher did the same and finally, Niall and I got up at the same time. We walked out of the library and when I heard my name, my heart skipped a beat. Why did it sound so special in his mouth?

"Need a ride?" he added after I turned to look at him.

The left corner of my lips raised up and I nodded once as we walked together to his car.

"Thank you." I told very low, glancing at him.

"No problem."

We remained silent until he parked his car and he finally turned to me, raising his eyebrows. "You know there's actually no proof that Dali didn't do drugs, right?"

"He used other methods." I shrugged.

"Doesn't mean he didn't also do drugs." he explained, making me tilt my head. "Besides, painters were the worst. They were always drunk or high, especially surrealist painters. You just like Dali's methods because they were... well, they were insane but unique."

I sent him a small smile and shrugged. "Maybe."

"Did you ever try?" he asked, raising his eyebrows with a smile. "Like, staying an hour on your head or, that spoon thing?"

This time, I chuckled and shook my head. "No, I don't work with dreams or images. I mostly work with my feelings."

"That's bold, don't you think? That means people can literally see your soul."

My heart skipped a beat and i lost my smile before swallowing hard. "You do it too with your music." I pointed out in a whisper. "People can hear your soul."

"Touché." he breathed out with a sad smile. "It's a big deal to share that with the world, isn't it?"

"Yes."

I leaned my head on the seat, my upper body turned his way, and when his eyes met mine, I remembered that time he drove Louis and I back to our room. I remembered the kiss and the way he was gentle and sweet. I wanted him to always be like that with me.

"Where were you for the past two nights?"

"I was not even sure you noticed I wasn't there." I chuckled.

"I did." he replied, glancing at his hands on the wheel before looking back at me. "I thought maybe you took a break and went to your parents' or something. I mean you were pretty pissed."

My smile vanished and this time, the image that came back in my head was Niall naked on top of a girl. I swallowed the lump in my throat and cleared it, looking away.

"I was not... I was not pissed." I just replied, a bit scared that he'd ask more about it. After all, I couldn't tell him I was jealous and hurt, right? "I was not very far, I was in Louis' room."

Silence. I finally looked up at him and his face had completely changed. He stopped the car and opened his door as I did the same and followed him.

"Good, well you should sleep there tonight too." he let out rudely, not looking at me.

"Why?"

"You said to tell you when I'd have a girl over?" he added, raising his eyebrows as we walked up the stairs. "Well there will be a girl over in our room tonight."

"Oh."

He unlocked the door and threw his keys on his bed, turning swiftly to me and crossing his arms on his chest. He looked mad and it hurt me more than I wanted to admit. That was exactly why I had to hate him, but it was probably one of the hardest thing I tried to do in my life.

"Grab your stuff, alright? Louis is probably waiting for you."

I stared at him for about a minute, remaining motionless, and finally grabbed a few things. He didn't move and when I was ready to go, I stood in front of him but he was avoiding my eyes.

"Well, goodnight I guess." I murmured and shrugged. "Thanks for the ride, too."

Without thinking, I took a step closer and got on my tiptoes. His eyes finally met mine and his angry expression turned into a surprised one. I kissed his cheek softly, my lips barely touching his skin but I still could feel his stubble scratch my chin anyway. I felt my heart jump in my throat at how bold I was and got back on my feet quickly.

"That was a nice discussion."

I could tell him that I hoped he'd have a great time, but it would be a lie, so I pressed my lips together and took a step back.

"When we didn't yell at each other, yea, it wasn't so bad." he added.

The left corner of my lips raised up in a sad smile and I nodded. It was nice to see a soft expression on his face instead of anger and I breathed in, turning around and leaving. I closed my eyes right after I closed the door and tried to hold back the tears inside. What the fuck was I doing? I was supposed to hate him, and not let my emotions invade me and get the best of me.

Why was I trying so hard not to cry that my throat actually hurt from it? Why did it matter if Niall was going to have sex with an other girl? It's not like I was an option in his mind anyway. But the question that echoed in my head over and over again was, why did it hurt me instead to make me hate him?

I jumped and got out of my thought when my phone made a sound. I knew it was Louis and I just breathed in and out a few times, trying to get back to my senses. I didn't want to bother Louis with my feelings again, and I was not in the mood to have a discussion about Niall. Daxia was right, we were tired. In fact, I was exhausted. I had no idea how I'd manage to go to class, study, work on project, paint and work all at the same time. There had to be an other option but I couldn't seem to find it and I just took a few steps before knocking softly on Louis' door. I could find a solution tomorrow, and anyway, it was not like my brain was functioning properly anyway.

I couldn't stop thinking about Niall and what he was about to do, and my heart ached every single time I thought about what I had seen before. It was one thing to imagine it, but when it was an actual image from an actual memory, it was even worse.

Louis was almost already asleep when I step foot in his room. I just put sweatpants and a hoodie on and joined him in bed without a word. I was tired but I couldn't seem to fall asleep and when I did, I couldn't stop the nightmares from taking over my mind. Maybe I should actually paint from my dreams, too, just like Dali. But then, my painting would only involve a broken heart and two naked forms.

[ellie-mnop]

Hey! Sorry if this is bothering you or anything but I was wondering how you are learning? And if it’s online do you mind linking me to some?🙏🏻

Hi! I’m using several different tools and methods and resources to learn! I’m not sure whether you mean for Portuguese in particular or if you are looking for stuff that can be applied to other languages you’re trying to learn, so I’ll give you everything I have!

Grammar/Guided Practice:

Duolingo: This is the first thing I started using. Most people have heard of it already. It teaches grammatical concepts along with vocabulary and stuff, in a sequence made up of various themes, and the “Clubs” feature provides more open ended questions to practice writing skills. It doesn’t provide much in the way of explanations of new concepts, but every sentence has a comments section where you can ask questions and look at explanations other users have written. It doesn’t have speaking practice for Portuguese, although I think I have heard that it does for other languages, or used to, or something. https://www.duolingo.com/

LingoDeer: This is one I just started using and I’m really enjoying it. It works in a way that’s similar to Duolingo, although it provides more actual explanations of things instead of hoping for you to figure it out yourself, which is nice. It also has speaking exercises, which you record and play back to compare your pronunciation to an official example, which I find really helpful. It was designed with Asian languages in mind, and the website hasn’t been updated to point out that they very recently added betas of some other languages, but don’t worry, Portuguese is available. The activities are more interesting than those on Duolingo, but the sentences are less so, and there are no comments sections. https://www.lingodeer.com/

VerbSquirt: I installed this app because I needed more practice with verb conjugations than Duolingo was giving me. You choose the category and tense you want to practice, and it gives you some verbs, and you conjugate them as fast as you can from a multiple-choice list. You get more points for going faster. I don’t usually like or do well with games that rely on going as fast as you can, but I’m okay with this one because nothing bad happens if you don’t get a high score. It also teaches you the meanings of the verbs you’re working with, so it’s an alright way to get a little extra vocabulary too. The paid version is the same but with more words available. I think it’s based on European Portuguese (it includes conjugations for “tu” and its icon resembles Portugual’s flag) but I haven’t been confused by it even though the rest of the resources I’m using are Brazilian. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.jandaya.vrbsqrtenptfree&hl=en_US

Conjuga-me: This one is not an app for practicing anything, but I’m putting it in this category anyway because it’s still grammar. You put in a verb, and it shows you all of the conjugations in all of the tenses, and emphasizes, through text color, which forms are irregular or use special spelling rules. It helps, if you’re not sure about a conjugation you need and want to look it up. http://www.conjuga-me.net/

Explanations and Information:

Transparent Portuguese and Street Smart Brazil: These are two different websites, but I’m listing them together because they way I use them is very similar. They are blogs with interesting articles about various aspects of the language, such as grammar concepts, the usage of certain words, regional variations, or cultural concepts. They also have various resources to practice. For example, Transparent regularly posts articles to listen to and read, and sometimes posts songs with explanations of the lyrics, and Street Smart Brazil does articles with links to things, like movies in Portuguese on Netflix. Transparent has a Word of the Day every day, too, which is neat, and Street Smart has a YouTube channel. https://blogs.transparent.com/portuguese/ and https://streetsmartbrazil.com/blog/

I also sometimes use explanations of things on YouTube, but I mostly find those individually, I can’t think of any channels to recommend or anything.

Vocabulary and Dictionaries:

Reverso Context: This is a very helpful resource to look up words, because when it gives you a word, it also gives you a whole bunch of examples of that word used in various sentences. That way, you can see if the word has the connotation you want, what prepositions are used with it, and so on. http://context.reverso.net/translation/

Wiktionary: This one can be a little unwieldy to use, because all of the pages have so much information, but it’s very helpful. The lists of translations that are on the page of any given English word specify which definition they are translating, so that if a word has multiple meanings, you can find the one you want, and it has pronunciations in audio and IPA. (I can’t read IPA, but it’s helpful in finding out more about a particular sound I’m having trouble with.) https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Wiktionary:Main_Page

Wikipedia: Specifically, the menu on the top or side of any Wikipedia article that allows you to view the version of an article in any language it has been written in. The title will be translated too, and so you can find out what that concept is called in the language you select. This is helpful for finding translations of titles or multi-word terms that might not be translated word-for-word, like “data storage” or “The Land Before Time”. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

TinyCards: This has all of the vocabulary lists from DuoLingo, if you’re looking for a way to practice the vocabulary you learn from there. It’s just a flashcard app, but it’s a pretty nice one, I like it. https://tinycards.duolingo.com/en

Talking To Native Speakers:

HelloTalk: Initially, when I had questions about what I was learning, I asked my friend Sofia, because she is a native speaker and offered to help and stuff. Unfortunately, I cannot send you a link to install her. However, the next thing I did to find more people to talk to was install a language exchange app, where the point of it is to talk to people who already speak the language you are trying to learn, and who are trying to learn a language you already speak. There are many such apps, and I mostly just installed HelloTalk because it was the first one I heard about, but I like it a lot. I have met several lovely people there, and it’s easy to find people to talk to – I actually get more messages than I can answer. https://www.hellotalk.com/

Media And Content To Practice With:

Radiooooo: Useful for finding songs to listen to. I use it by choosing a country that speaks Portuguese, and a decade with a style I enjoy. Then, when it gives me a song I really like, I screenshot the title and artist so that I can find it again to add to a playlist or use other ways. Doesn’t work on Firefox. http://radiooooo.com/

Letras.com: A lyrics website, useful in conjunction with Radiooooo or with any other method of finding songs. Looking at the lyrics while listening to the songs helps with focusing on the words, and with building reading and listening skills together. https://www.letras.com/

Turma da Mônica: Comics are a nice way to practice reading, because the pictures help with figuring out what’s going on and confirming your understanding of what they text says. These comics are pretty cool and cute, and there are a lot of them. The ones at the link are free online on the official website, and there are also many that have been published in print if you can get those somehow. http://turmadamonica.uol.com.br/quadrinhos/

Games: I went through and checked the menus of the games on my phone and the store pages of the ones in my Steam library, to find out which ones I could play in Portuguese, and I recommend doing that, to find choices that correspond to your taste in games. Some of the ones I found include Battle for Wesnoth (a partial translation, you have to edit your preferences file to get it), Bridge Constructor, Game Dev Tycoon, Knights of Pen and Paper (this one was developed in Brazil, actually), Stardew Valley, Terraria, and on the phone Galaga Wars, and My Tamagotchi Forever. I haven’t tested all of them yet.

YouTube: I don’t have an overarching method or anything of finding YouTube videos to practice with, I just put in search terms that sound interesting in Portuguese. I’ve watched news clips, interviews, sing-along videos of kids’ songs, videos about Pokemon, videos where kids try different foods, all sorts of things. I don’t understand most of what I watch yet, but I repeat the videos however many times I need to try to catch what I can.

I’m sure I’m forgetting some things, but this is most of what I use and do.

[2slowgoers]

10.31.2019 - a not so spooky update

Hey W,

Long time no talk ;) (lol, JK of course!). I’m glad I get to see you soon. Never been in NYC with you before, I’m glad we get to spend a bit of it together, and explore together again. We don’t get a lot of chances to do that these days. On the topic of Halloween... you dressed up a ton this week! They were creative and solid costumes. IF you became a mom, I think you would have excellent + creative halloween costumes for the family. I never felt the presence fo Halloween as much as I did this year, maybe because I work for a bigger company, and I have established my social media spaces and am familiar with the people I follow, I quite admire the arts and craft that can go into costumes. Okay, that aside -

We did text a bit after your last post, and I feel like we touched on the important parts I wanted to ask about. TBH I just hope this to be a space we can vent and let it all out, no pressure to follow up or give each other advice. But rather a space just to listen to each other, I appreciate that. All I can say from reading a bit about your doubts around yourself and your long term relationship, I am just here by your side, waiting to see how things will or will not change in the next couple of years. This is that time of age where things will grow and change a lot! I called briefly with my friend J (in FL) and they are going through a bit of quarter life crisis, and a lot of the call was me reassuring them that it’s okay and that it’s okay to choose what it is that your heart wants. Like you said about your mom, we have all spent too much of our life following what others expect us to do, or shaping other people’s wants into our own. Since we’re still growing up and maturing, what we even “wanted” in high school and college, may not be what grown up and mature versions of ourselves want. I think this IS the time of our life we start learning to listen to ourselves, our inner voice that is maturing and growing up, and truly understanding what it is that we want. So I say, trust your gut. You know what you need, and you’ll know it when the time comes.

One quick thing before I dive into the topic of today - I have to say work is going better now that I have gone on vacation, and have had the time to get to know the new hires (people joined post-June). Most of them are around my age and we all get along really well. KBBQ last night was quite fun, and for once I found myself being able to be myself, and exhibit my sense of humor (something that not a lot of people get), and the people around me laughed and appreciated me for being who I am. That felt really nice. It’s a feeling I have dearly missed from not being around people who know me well. I liked being able to goof around (because that’s really who I am! It just takes a long time to show that side), and seeing other people goof off. I can say that even if I don’t want to be in tech and the industry can be draining, being around good people is so important, and especially with a lot of them in the same age range and many who are recent transplants, has created a team that is larger than just Berkeley grads lol. 

Topic I wanted to discuss today... When I was texting you earlier about my rooming situation and saying my ultimate fear is to be kicked out. Then I realized I have all these, you could say irrational fears, that I will 1) get fired 2) get kicked out 3) lose my job 4) lose all my savings/money 5) my friends hate me and will abandon me and just in general imagine the worst that could happen. I catch myself more often when I think these things and increasingly acknowledge it’s an irrational fear. I guess I wonder where all of this comes from - the fact that I get very “omg end of the world” and catastrophize easily. It’s definitely improved over the years, but I think it’s also from growing up with my mom. I see these traits in myself and in my brother too. We always imagine the worst, get anxious about it, then let the world know our anxious thoughts, and it spirals. I need to remind myself that no I am not going to be kicked out and no I am not going to be fired, my coworkers and team like me a lot and I do my job. I’m better at it now, so that’s cool.

This train of thought led me to something else though... you mentioned that I can take this opportunity to grow THICK SKIN. and you’re SO right. I have caught myself taking things too personally and being too sensitive to a lot of things, that are out of my control and have nothing to do with me. Like if a friend doesn’t reply fast, or they reply with a period at the end of the sentence, to what coworkers do or don’t do - I let it get to me, and when people joke, I respond seriously. Because I’m just so used to taking things seriously on the surface, even though deep down i love to joke, goof off, and not take things seriously.

For example, last night we were playing this game called “image game” where someone says image game and “who’s most likely to...” and then they count down and everyone in the group must point to the person they think are most likely to... and i don’t know exactly when but someone has to drink. Well, G (girl I sit next to work who I like a lot!) said “who’s most likely to quit their job and travel the world” - the people who know my plans pointed at me, but otherwise, the rest of the table was pointing at everyone else. Including G, who is someone i feel closer to now, pointed to someone else. G pointed to this other girl, and said “you because you moved to the bay area for absolutely no reason but just to come here”. deep down, i was like “but that’s me too! that’s me!” And for some reason, I took this whole thing so personally, and I was mildly bothered and thinking about it for the rest of the night. Why did not everyone point at me? How can this dream of mine that I’ve been thinking about since I was 20 years old, not be obvious? How can the world not know?! I do everything I do to follow this dream WHY DONT PEOPLE KNOW! <-- the question and capitalization is for dramatic effect, I wasn’t actually freaking out. But obviously I was thinking, like duh people won’t know what my dreams are because i NEVER talk about it. And duh, people probably think i’m super responsible and love my job because of the way i act at work and expect i am there to stay. SO, these thoughts just continued to stick around til this morning.

I decided to ask G to go to a room and talk personally because I wanted to follow up on this question. I provided context and asked her my main curiousity is “how do you perceive me?” “this is my lifelong dream and i am just curious how i come off as, that it wasn’t assumed to me” - she’s very nice and open and told me how she thought i was responsible, loved this job, and was here to stay. she just saw me as this super responsible type and not the kind to just leave like that. I also framed it in a way to be like “Ah yeah I want to blend in, I don’t want people to think I am on my way out” and she agrees that i am doing that fine, and she never expected that. Anyways... the GOOD part of this conversation was.. I told her “I’m literally here just to make money, pay off loans and save”. Then I asked “do you have any dreams you’d like to achieve?” And she was like “well I never told anyone at work this...” and then I quickly learned that she is here for the same reason I am, with a different goal in mind. she wants to go to nursing school - and she is here to save $ to pay off loans and save up to go. Even her bf, who is a dev, is also working a job and negotiated to anticipate to pay for her schooling. Then we were able to bond about how we both don’t want to be in tech in the long term, and how we don’t want to be in this job for the long term either, and we both kinda have to hold it in and cannot talk about what it is that we truly want to do. we could relate about our interview experiences and not being able to answer honestly the question to “where do you see yourself in 5 years”. And wow, that was a really nice conversation to have. To know that i am not alone in wanting to do something so badly, and to have to do something else in the interim, and we are desk neighbors! It’s funny actually, she’s by far been the best performing new hire IMO and i see a lot of similarities in myself and her. we do our jobs super well, and yet this is not where we want to be.

So that again, brings me to appreciate people who do work in the corporate world, at whatever point they need to for however long they need to. people are so much deeper than their work self. I especially appreciate the non-workaholics/people who don’t work all the time, because I see the life and dreams they get to live outside of work, and that’s just like a wholesome realization lol.

Alrighty, that’s me for today - see you soon!

[penumbra-rp]

Becky, you will be playing the role of Ted Tonks! 

He is full of potential and cannot stand to end up like all those who stay mute, constantly working to make money for those who don’t deserve it, allowing the rich and the powerful to play twisted games and spoon feed them their beliefs and ideals like false prophets. 

Admin Ash: There’s so much that I adore about Ted Tonks and I don’t even know where to start. I think what strikes me most about him, is that he’s literally an underdog that you can’t help but want to root for. He’s the everyman that you can see a bit of yourself in -- he was that scholarship student with overbearing parents that probably wanted to see him get a PhD, an out-of-school millennial with a million-and-one odd jobs and a passion he’s shouldering his way into. He also just so happened to study Astrophysics and attempts to expose crime syndicates and big tech with his journalism skills. In the end, what I love, is that Ted has a goodness in him, a strength in him to not stay silent in the face of the injustices he sees everyday -- I just want to see him succeed and make sure he eats and has money for his rent! 

01. Out of Character

NAME: Becky

AGE: 23

YOUR BIRTHDAY: 17th January

PRONOUNS: she/her

TIMEZONE: GMT

02. In Character

CHARACTER: Edward “Ted” Tonks

CHARACTER’S PRONOUNS: he/him

FACECLAIM: Dev Patel

CHARACTER’S BIRTHDAY: 22nd February (Pisces)

PERSONALITY:

P O S I T I V E

E S C A P I S T ( + ) | Feeling like nobody else cares about exposing the horrors of the world and sulking miserably into his cold mug of coffee when the number of views of his latest article peaks below average, Ted enjoys finding ways to escape and allow himself time to breathe. Distractions come in the form of disappearing to the coast for the weekend or drinking a bottle too many at his friends’ house parties.

E M P A T H E T I C | Ted will criticize your actions. He’ll weigh them against his own moral standing ( which, in all honesty, is far from spotless ) and decide whether you fit into his all-too black and white world of good and bad. But very rarely will he judge someone’s emotional response. He feels deeply and can struggle with keeping his own emotions in check, never one to bottle things up. He’ll speak his mind and speak it truthfully – and he’ll expect you to do the same in return.

I N T U I T I V E | He works on feelings over facts or proof, chasing after threads that he’s picked loose. Paired with his career as a journalist, Ted has learnt a lot about reading people. Subtle clues don’t go unnoticed. It helps that he is also adaptable, managing to mould himself to situations, capable of making them feel comfortable and at ease even if red flags and alarm bells are ringing through his head.

N E G A T I V E

E S C A P I S T ( - ) | For all the wanderlust emotion-fuelled drifting comes its less romantic side: the coping mechanism of disappearing when the going gets tough. He’s not a huge fan of confrontation and, trie as he might to stand his ground in the moment, he’ll do all he can to avoid having gotten to that point in the first place. Unresolved issues and a habit of blaming others hound his heels, leaving a trail of problems in his wake that he’d really rather not think about.

P E S S I M I S T I C | Motivation and enthusiasm are quick to dip when things don’t go Ted’s way. He tends to look on the negative side of things, expecting the worse from situations that are out of his control for the sake of ( he hopes ) being pleasantly surprised when he’s proved wrong.

I N D E C I S I V E | Ted hates making decisions and can be hesitantly doubtful. Because of this, he can also be somewhat weak-willed and will listen to other people’s suggestions to help form his own, acting on impulse rather than taking the time to sit and think things through. Admittedly this doesn’t extend to everyone, but if you are someone who Ted trusts he will struggle to resist your influence.

BRIEF BULLET POINT BIO:

[ one ] His childhood is one of warm memories. Of being pushed to succeed and encouraged to dream. Of fighting his brother for the TV remote and hammering on the bathroom door when his sisters take too long to do their makeup. Of the scent of burning oil lamps during Diwali and scrubbing bright pink powder from under his nails after Holi. Of his dad coming home late from work and pressing a kiss to his forehead before bed and his mum cutting his hair every time it grew long enough to get into his eyes. Life is good and he knows he’s lucky.

[ two ] A university scholarship. Sometimes someone lucky is chosen, they say. In this case lucky means from a non-white, working-class family who otherwise can’t afford the tuition fees. When the letter comes through the door to congratulate him on being the chosen student from his college, his father says one thing: “decision time”. The words send a chill down his spine, fingers curling into fists as if recoiling. He does not wish to make a choice; cannot deem any of his options better than the others. Some consider the seventeen-year-old to be indecisive. Up until now, he has led a life full of what-ifs and maybes. When asked to choose a favourite colour, multiple will be given. When questioned as to what he wants to do for a career, it will change daily. The problem is, Ted doesn’t like making decisions. It is not that he will be lead blindly, rather that he would prefer to do as someone else suggests. That way he has someone else to blame when it all goes wrong. It is safer this way, he knows. He lets the influence of his parents, friends and teachers help decide what to study and sits through his astrophysics degree without complaint ( he even enjoys it, for the most part, but it’s not what he wants to spend his life doing ).

[ three ] He has always been creative. Not artistically, nor musically– but writing? Writing he understands. Like a duck to water, he has always been able to put pen to paper and conjure up stories. Some are true. Some are less so. Fragments of sentences line his pockets, scrawled on the back of receipts and old tickets. There is an escape in the words. So too is there the truth, written for all to see. The bluish glow of his laptop screen illuminates his face in the darkness of his room, sleepless at 3am and desperate to make sense of the tangled vines that are his thoughts.

[ four ] His best friend dies. It’s a jarring moment. A reminder that nothing is permanent, that life itself is temporary. He runs away from London for a while after that. In search of some greater purpose, perhaps. Or maybe just in need of some time alone, free from the grinding mechanisms that keep the world churning, air thick with traffic fumes and streets full of people all with somewhere to be. Little has changed on his return but there’s an edge to his tone which suggests he is yet to make peace with all that has happened.

[ five ] Rules are made to be broken. It’s a cliché saying, but Ted finds a certain intrigue in pushing boundaries. Restriction and regulations keep people tame, and he most definitely does not wish to remain caged like a tiger pacing behind bars. He is full of potential and cannot stand to end up like all those who stay mute, constantly working to make money for those who don’t deserve it, allowing the rich and the powerful to play twisted games and spoon feed them their beliefs and ideals like false prophets. He doesn’t have steady employment, claims he finds it far too mundane to anyone who asks, and instead earns his meagre living to pursue his passion of journalism. Of uncovering truths and unmasking monsters. For the moment the majority of his income is made taking up odd jobs advertised on coffee shop cork boards along with the occasional payment from The Quibbler when Xenophilius can afford it.

INTERVIEW:

i. How do you feel about your current occupation?

He doesn’t like being on this side of an interview. Not knowing what he’s going to be asked makes him uncomfortable, sending an unwanted and somewhat unexpected creeping sensation down his spine. Ted tries to settle his nerves, taking a deep breath as he reclines against the back of his chair. “Depends on which one you mean. The journalism? Going great. I get to work to my own hours, get to approve most of my own pitches. It’s cool. As for the rest of it– well. Office cleaning. Babysitting. Dog walking. Gardening. You name the odd job, I’ve probably done it. It is what it is.”

ii. What song would you say describes yourself?

Ted’s nose wrinkles, half amused by the question and simultaneously thrown by it. “That’s– Right. Wow.” He leans forward, elbows resting on his knees and fingers steepling together in thought. He wouldn’t necessarily say he has a specific taste in music. Nor would he say he’s the sort of person who can pluck a song off the top of their head. With a shrug, he shakes his head. “Shit, I don’t know, let me get back to you on that.”

It takes his seven hours to choose.

He wonders if that says more about him to the interviewer than the song itself.

[ 21:36 ] From: Ted

Got one! https://open.spotify.com/track/28mBT1l5sJrfSWn8KM3JLT?si=c0JzznyfSWSYhPTAcXtSzw

iii. Does reputation matter to you?

“No, not any more.” It’s an easy one to answer, although he imagines others would disagree. “Like– who cares what people think of them? Why bother? You can’t please everyone, that would be stupid. As long as the ones you love are proud of you, that’s all that matters, you know?”  

iv. What is your relationship with your parents like?

The smile that flashes across his mouth is bright, passing like an afternoon shadow only to return and make itself at home. As irritating as his mum’s near-daily calls are, and no matter how frequently his dad sends him links to vacancies at the Daily Prophet, he wouldn’t change any of it for the world. “We’re close,” he says fondly, knowing better than to spill all to an interviewer he a) doesn’t know and, by default, b) certainly doesn’t trust. There are people out there who hate him, hate his views of the world and the truth he spills ( he’s yet to get a death threat which, in all honesty, is a little insulting ). “It’s good. It’s a good relationship.”

v. What languages can you speak?

“A reasonable amount of Gujarati.” He takes English to be a given and dearly hopes the interviewer has the common sense to realise that. “Both my parents speak it fluently. My dad was born and raised in Ahmedabad and moved over here when he was my age and my mum is something like third-generation. Born in Harrow.”

vi. If your home was on fire and you could only save one item, what would you choose?

Ted whistles under his breath, leaning back in his chair to aim an unloving grimace at the ceiling. His tiny flat has never really felt much like a home and was more like a temporary space for him to exist in whilst he– well, he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing. Saving up for somewhere bigger was laughable on his current paycheck. “I’d save my insurance policy details because claiming money back for the damages is going to be a fucking nightmare without them. Have you ever tried to talk to these insurance companies? They’ll literally make you sit on a phone in a queue for three hours listening to the same three ear-splittingly mind-numbing songs. As if losing my flat in a fire wasn’t bad enough, I’d then have to be put through musical torture? And it would all be on a payphone, I bet, given that I didn’t think to save my mobile. Shit, can I change my answer if I remember to take a photo of the right insurance documents before the fire starts?”

vii. Which Hogwarts University faculty did you study at? The Gryffindor School of Applied Science, the Ravenclaw School of Humanities, the Slytherin School of Social Science, or the Hufflepuff School of Art?

Amusement curls up at the edge of his lips like a cat in a patch of morning sunlight, settling in for a nice long stay. He doesn’t think about university often. Four years of lectures which he can only just remember the occasional fragment of information from. But there are life-defining memories there amongst the late night study sessions and the room-spinning hangovers. “I was a Gryffindor. Studied astrophysics, which– yeah, I didn’t really want to go into that field after I graduated. Space is amazing and everything but scientific research isn’t for me.”

vix. What is your social media username?

“My work accounts are all under quibblerted. Everything else is at tedtonks.”